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OUR WORLD IS A TROUBLED TURBULENT ONE. IN THIS TIME OF CONFLICT, SOCIAL INJUSTICE AND SERIOUS FASHION EMERGENCIES WE COULD ALWAYS USE SOME GOOD ADVICE.
THAT'S WHERE I COME IN.
E-mail me at dreamypancakes@wetwetwet.com with any question and I will post your E-mail on this site along with my genious reply. It WILL change your life*.
SO SEND IN!!! IT CAN BE ONE SENTENCE IF YOU'RE REALLY FEELING THAT LAZY.
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Chels, look in your E-mail you silly goose. I'm not posting that on here.
Ok I'm gunna hit you with a real question. I like this kid at Bend High. He is a Senior and is totally hott. Only he doesn't know me. And I am too scared to approach him and introduce myself. I feel that he is waaaaay out of my league. All I want to do is get to know this kid before school is out. I want to take him to our Saddies. I need your advice on how to approach him and go about introducing myself so that it doesn't seem weird.
~Dotie
Dear Dotie, I sympathise with you. The high school world is one filled with many absurdly attractive shallow people and it's painful sometimes. We want nothing more than that short rendevous of meaningless lust and possesive behaviour leading to an inevitable melodramatic breakup! There is no greater rapture, no deeper exctasy, more spiritually fufilling and ultimately beautiful thing than high school relationships! Your desire is understandable and I just want to tell you that you've come to the right place.
Here's what you do. The next time you see him and all his glorious sex appeal you walk right up to him and say "Hey baby, let's wrestle!" After saying this promptly pull out a carrot and take a good bite, they say it's good for your eyesight and your ability to see is precious. He'll likely look baffled, scared, turned on, pensive, precarious, whimsical or ethnic at this point, combinations of the above are indeed likely. Don't be discouraged. Throw him to the floor (have some of your girlfriends on hand to help out if he puts up a good struggle) and quickly proclaim "I am El Torro!" and quickly preform an elbow drop, preferablly to the neck. He'll be momentarily stunned which means you'll have the oppurtunity to put him into a suplex, an undoubtablly sexy position as well as a painful one. He is a masochist and is terribly turned on. In short, he's yours. I hope this helps.
dear ryan,
first, a big kudos to you on the great job youve done on your humble little
site. i visit it often, as it helps me keep my sanity.
Ok, suppose one has his/her standard Nintendo
(or any gaming system that uses a controller). Scene - the control deck at
one location, and the cord connecting the controller to it is a few feet in
front, per say.
heres where it gets tricky...now, i ask you, how does a strong and
relatively heavy cord such as this, "tied" at both ends (to the control
deck and to the controller), get a KNOT in it??? the sheer psychics boggles
the mind!...or mine, anyway. please help shead some light on this with your
advanced human brain.
-Majin aka NintendoGuy aka Billy.........or, whatever.
Well thank you for the compliments!
Now, for the nitty gritty. Ahem! *rolls up sleeves in preperation for his intense explanation* Okay, this is going to get rather technical, so please bare with me. In response to your question about how in the world a controller cord gets tangled with itself. It's been an enigma amongst videogamers such as yourself and even I for some time. But let me ask you this.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . . Did ya ever see that movie "The Borrowers"?
Dear Ryan,
Should I bleach my skin....have my nose reconstructed, have my eye brows permanently plucked and have my lips filled with crap, and also have an artificial butt chin (dimple) sergicaly inserted? I want to do this after seeing the Micheal Jackson special.....I think he looks cool and super normal! He said that puberty did it too him....but im 20 and I havnt seen anything like what's happened to him! Damnit it's not fair, please help me!
~ Lygar
Dear Lygar, if there is something we have to learn as human beings it's that we are all individuals and we all mature differently. When I was in the fifth grade there was a boy in class who had quite the peach fuzz. Man did he get the girls! I was so jealous so this one time when we were playing dodgeball in P.E. I stabbed him with the butt of a hockey stick.
I hope this helps. Pursue your dreams.
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